Charlie Fairservice

Charlie Fairservice has written 12 posts for Politics on Toast

Our politicians are useless and it’s your fault

None of the above

...they're all useless

Politicians are useless. And they keep on being useless. This is why the economy failed, this is why we have so many enquiries into this disaster or that calamity. Charlie Fairservice tells us that its ultimately our fault for voting tribally and having misguided loyalties to political parties.

In the course of human events it is pretty common for things to go right, wrong and anything in between. Whatever the result it is also handy to Continue reading

Le Titsuppification du Royaume Uni


Would the EU bail us out?

Who has the most dodgy economy in the EU after the PIIGS? Oh, it’s us. Britain. Would the Germans and the French be as willing to bail us out as they are Greece and Portugal? Asks Ventilator Blues. 

I do hope that everyone is praying for a disorderly end to the PIIGS bailout saga which comes to another hydra-head 21st July 2011. Us Brits much cheer on further stagnation and fudge or we are doomed and here is why. Continue reading

Is the European Union too big to save?

EU Babel

EU Babel

By bailing out every nation too big to fail, we have created a monster too big too save. And if the European Union collapses, will it take down the USA and China with it? Asks Ventilator Blues.

What a mess we have gotten ourselves into. Our financial system has been exceedingly well cudgelled by this interminable crisis if not instigated by, then certainly triggered by the collapse of Lehmans. The result of this was a mad rush to prevent the entire economic order collapsing around us and blind dumb governments waving their bailout stick at huge bankrupt straw donkeys because they were too big to fail. This meant, I think, that the governments believed that the whole world would go to pot if Barclays et al decided to diversify into liquidation as the profit quanta suffered catastrophic devaluation – or however Murdoch Jnr would say it. Continue reading

A Declaration of Independence

Declaration of Independence

Ventilator Blues has had enough with the morons that govern us, from the imbeciles in Strasbourg to our very own cretins in Westminster. Here, he writes his own Declaration of Independence. 

Right. So now we know (as if we ever doubted) that our politicians are corrupt, our police are corrupt and our civil service is complicit in this corruption. Just today the Crown Prosecution Service has been accused of withholding evidence in trials – pretty much the very core of our society is a fair trial – so that’s the courts gone, too. The Education system relies on ever weaker exams getting ever higher grades. Our financial system is Continue reading

George Osborne or David Davis should stab David Cameron in the back

Quick! Now! Stab him!

David Cameron is not the best leader for the Conservative Party or for the country. His friendships with Andy Coulson and Mrs Grant Mitchell are reason enough for us to get rid of him. But he’ll survive the scandal no doubt. This is why we need either of two proper Tories, George Osborne and David Davis, to whet the blade and aim for Cameron’s spleen, writes Ventilator Blues.

When in times of national emergency it is vital that a proper sense of perspective is developed and that national interest is put first. Continue reading

Doing what Osborne Can’t: Saving The Economy

This is Ventilator Blues' hand

Politics On Toast is doing well in the cabinet. Our very own AP Schrader was made Health Secretary and, now, Ventilator Blues has kicked George Osborne out of Westminster and has installed himself as Chancellor of the Exchequer. This is how ventilator Blues will save the economy:

Some months ago I reread P.J. O’Rourke’s seminal work “Parliament of Whores” and re-discovered a wonderful chapter on balancing the budget of the Federal Republic Beneath Canada. What fun it would be, I thought, to have a go myself and with the Continue reading

News of the World: Should we care?

The ladies' netball is more interesting...

The keen eyed amongst you may have noticed that there has been a minor story developing in the media about the behaviour of a certain newspaper. Indeed much space has been given over to a lot of people to vent spleen so, what with this being a comment blog, here goes.

I really really really do not care. Really. I have plumbed the very depths of my interest levels and applied them at full force to the matter at hand and I find myself drifting over to the Ladies World Cup or some arcane rule change in Formula 1 which itself is glacially boring. That particular avenue of enjoyment was curtailed when they changed all the rules and banned overtaking. Continue reading

Losing my Train of Thought

Ventilatorblues looks at the figures associated with the government giving the Thameslink contract to Germans. He argues the money would be better spent at home.

So the British government has decided to opt for Siemens, a fine German company, to manufacture a set of rolling stock for Thameslink after carefully considering all the options.

Theresa Villiers, one of the myriad ministers that we now have to valiantly fight for our interests, plumped for the master race and justified the decision by saying it offered the best value to taxpayers. I assume here that she was referring to German taxpayers but it got me thinking about how much money the British government has thrown down the swanny in an effort to save precious taxpayers’ gold. Continue reading

Why we should ditch the Tories at the next election

While musing about the nature of modern politics I remembered an encounter I had with the then council leader of a Home Counties’ District Council. A Conservative fellow of honest repute who when asked by my good self whether he would consider standing for Parliament after his service “running” the district council replied thus: “No. I control a bigger budget than I ever would as an MP”.

It was at this moment that my membership and association with the Conservative Party officially died its final and very terminal death. Since that day 7 or 8 years ago I have always wondered why right-wing types vote for the Conservative Party and having analysed all the data have come to following conclusion. Continue reading

Looking on the bright side of environmental disaster

Climate change. Taking the weather with you.

We are going to save the planet.  We are just not sure how.  That would seem to be the message from our political followers.

There is one minor flaw in this argument – especially when one looks at their track record on achieving anything – they will not save the planet.   Remember how the NHS has been saved? Just look at our education system – the best in the world. No doubt there.  A transport network that would make Roman road-builders jealous.  Our railways whoop the French TGV – and our replacement bus service is the best in the world.  International terrorism is now a long forgotten blemish, whilst the Middle East is the edenic paradise of Biblical times.  Only last week Lansley cured cancer.  Having made the world a better place, our brave boys in Whitehall are now going to save it.  Thank God for that. Continue reading

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